Profile

Wilford Warfstache is the best goddamn paranormal journalist in the country. Probably. He thinks he is. Other people seem to agree, since they gave him his own TV show. He doesn't care about celebrities or politics, or the latest E. coli scare. He's too busy trying to nail Bigfoot for tax evasion and making people afraid of hot dog vendors because one hot dog vendor turned out to be eating people once in 1996.

Wilford's world is weird, to say the least. There are monsters under your kid's bed, zombie outbreaks are a thing that occasionally happen, and when people go missing in the woods, it's usually because something the size of a house ate them. There are dark forces about, magic creatures, and people able to manipulate and control them. There's also the tricky subject of death. You never quite know if it's going to stick or not. In fact, it seems not to more often than not. And when it does, it's always highly inconvenient for all parties involved.

This world is chaos, woven through the very fibres of the universe.

Wilford thrives on this chaos, both personally and professionally. Not as much as he used to, perhaps, but he'll still gladly watch a good street brawl if it doesn't get in his way. When he's not dressed up for TV, Wilford can be a bit of a mess. Despite being a celebrity, he still shops at his world's equivalent of Walmart, wears a lot of band t-shirts, and never quite outgrew his ska phase from high school.

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Due to the extremely and deliberately contradictory nature of canon, lines will be incredibly blurred. Is it 2019? Is it 1920? Nobody knows. The writers sure don't. Wilford's character is broken into two different facets that serve both as the antagonist and a meta point of view. Originally he was a journalist, investigating various monsters and murderers from video games. Then he became an Army colonel. Then he started haunting disco halls. Sometimes he has a near-impenetrable speech impediment. Other times he has a crisp Mid-Atlantic accent. I'm not going to bother trying to phonetically spell either one out or anything obnoxious like that. The entire point is to be vague and confusing, and I'm not going to pretend to be above that at all.

Most of his icons have a pink moustache, because that's his look. I may make some more Barnum icons in the future. Similarly, his hair changes from pink to black independently of what colour his moustache is, and that's the point when I gave up even trying to keep track.

TL;DR, Wilford's posts will contradict one another. This is a feature of his canon and something I very much intend to play with.

Note: Wilford goes by a lot of names in canon, most notably Wilford Warfstache and William Barnum. He may introduce himself as either of these names, or something else entirely.

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While I live on the West Coast, I work nights and am thus mostly active during Asian time zones. I generally won't post or tag out unless I know I have a good chunk of time to kill. You can PM me through Wilford's journal, or hit me up on Discord: Milesy#2335